THE TALE OF THE DIAMOND STUDDED PIE - PART 2

“Oh my God!” grinned Shy suddenly, after a moment’s consideration. “Are you telling me that you’re some kind of super-thieves? That you steal stuff? Real stuff and everything! Like actual criminals!”

Becky swung in through the window. “That’s about the extent of it! But I assure you, it’s no game!”

“I do apologise!” corrected Shy. “So, you’re Bonnie and Clyde only no-one’s made a film about you?”

“Yet!” replied Ceri crisply and with a wide Cheshire Cat smile. “Anyway we see each other more like two 1930s Raffles types. Theft as a hobby from those who deserve it, as a sort of eccentric pastime!”

“Yes, that figures! It’s a good look too, if you can pull it off – which, I may add, I’m sure you do!” Shy shook his fur in disbelief. It wasn’t that he disapproved, but had been taken by surprise. “By all the furry saints, you’re quite something, guys! I’m fascinated! Who’d have thought it of librarians!!”

“So, why the sudden interest?” Becky hadn’t taken so well to his former comment – now she was fully into the room she seemed intent on moving Shy as far from the boxes and the trinkets, as possible.

“It’s hardly a SUDDEN interest!” corrected Shy. “I’ve only just found out about it – it’s a new interest – a sort of growing excitement that you and one of my oldest friends have an exciting secret life!”

“Yeah… Well, you won’t get a chance to spoil it either, Yeti. They’ll be no calling the Police!”

Now Shy was quite offended and let it show. “BECKY!!! How could you say such a thing? Who sort of grass do you take me for? So, you live your lives like Cary Grant and Grace Kelly in To Catch A Thief? That doesn’t mean that I’m some sort of dull, down to earth bore who’ll disapprove and try to turn you in! My head would sue my brain before I tried a stunt like that! I envy you! I know we’ve not met many times, Bex – but surely Ceri’s told you what I’m like? Come on mate, surely – don’t just stand there – back me up – tell her! I’m on the verge of being mortally wounded here! Me? Call the rozzers? I wouldn’t even consider it and you should jolly well take back your accusation before I cry!”

Becky was blushing – infact they all were – it had been a rather embarrassing performance on Shy’s part, to be honest. All the same she genuinely seemed sorry to have misjudged him. “I didn’t mean it, Shy – I got carried away – I never meant it like that – I just totally jumped to the wrong conclusion!”

Ceri stepped in to try and mediate further. “It’s okay darling – he understands! But, Shy - you can see why Bex might have thought you’d try and get the Police involved… Or at least be initially concerned about it! He wouldn’t though, Bex - he’s not that sort of Yeti! Anyway, he’s a friend from way back!”

Becky was blushing. “I’m really sorry, Shy! You have to be SO careful! I had my crime head on – I overreacted!” She paused as if to see if she needed to say more. “Can I stop groveling now, please?”

Shy grinned his usual furry grin. “Quite understand!” he confirmed. “You’re completely forgiven!”

“Shall we just forget you ever saw anything, Shy…” Ceri asked reluctantly. “Leave it at that…”

“Oh no!” interrupted the Yeti suddenly. “We mustn’t do that! No! I’m interested – really I am! I want to see your stash! Come on – tell me everything – how much have you got hidden away here in all!?”
“It’s not just in here, actually!” admitted Ceri, pleased and relieved that his friend was taking all this so enthusiastically. “We’ve got loads more hidden away in a secret cavern down at the Devil’s Arse!”

“I meant to ask you about that! I saw it on a box earlier! Do I want to know – it sounds rather rude!?”

Ceri raised his eyebrows. “Trust you, Shy! You and your double entendre fixation! Carry On has much to answer for…” Shy looked disappointed. “I assure you – other than the name – it’s not at all rude!”

“It’s a large series of caves!” Becky cut in, beginning to relax. She was dressed all in black, Shy noted. She wore dark trousers, Converse trainers, Polo neck sweater, a fetching black beret, under which her shoulder length brown hair was tucked and a little black mask to top it off. Archetypical cat burglar, if you will! “We’ve got access down to the caverns!” she added. “This house is built right over them!”

“Did you get what you went for?” Ceri asked, helping Bex with her rucksack. “I can’t believe I forgot to ask before! All I could think about was you getting home safe! I just hate when you go out solo!”

“I know, baby!” Becky smiled and gave him a kiss for his concern, hugging his arm affectionately and finally letting her true excitement show. “Yes! I got it all! The necklace AND the silver bracelet!”

“From a bank?” Shy was nearly drooling in awe of what he’d overheard. “What did you rob, Becky?”

“Not a bank…” Becky corrected. “This was a country house near Buxton!” she replied, still seeming a tad reluctant to confide such information to a virtual stranger. “We’ve been after this one for a while!”

Ceri tried to explain. “It was stolen from one family to another back in the early 1900s! It’s the way we choose all our big steals – through research and by selecting items which are well known to have been swiped by errant house maids, bitter mistresses, conniving butlers, sons, daughters or ex-wives… Everything in the spare room or in the caves has a history – a story – and Becky or I know every one!”

Shy was almost clapping his paws together in excitement. “Wow!” he grinned. “By the furry saints, if that isn’t just so darn romantic! How perfect! I’m so proud of you both – using your degrees to such good effect! It’s more than can be said for a lot of us! I love it – I really do! Stealing treasures that have already been stolen and are probably long forgotten too… Is it all out on display somewhere? Do you plan to keep it or sell it on? Melt it down? Put it back even? I’m joking with that last one, mind!”

“We do plan to display it when the store in the caves is completely finished.” Ceri replied. “But it all takes time – we’re neither of us that hot on DIY and it’s taken an age to reopen the passages to the cave as it is! This was a Highwayman’s cottage back in the 1600s, so we’re reviving an old tradition!” he added proudly – now totally full of himself and feeling liberated that he was finally able to discuss his secret hobby with Shy. “I wasn’t sure how you’d take all this, boy – I badly underestimated you!”

“No problem!” Shy reassured him. “To be honest the old me might have rather backed off from it all – and I mean backed off screaming and waving his paws about in panic! I dealt with crooks all day long in the entertainment business and when I worked with Simon Yeti I saw them all the time! But you and Becky are different - just plain, old fashioned anti-heroes – Robin Hood with Library cards!”

“Something like that…” acknowledged Becky finally allowing herself a grin. “You should have seen the trouble caused in Central Library… That was classic… We used our own staff as distractions…”

“Well that makes sense! So, can I see some more of your collection?” asked Shy as they ushered him into the room where he was supposed to have been staying. “I have a plan!” he added. “Something you could steal… Do you need a third person – I want to be your sidekick… What do you reckon?”

For Becky this was taking things that little bit too far. “OH! NO WAY!” she exclaimed and that earlier look of distrust and suspicion had returned. “No way! Ceri, you tell him! There’s no way he’s coming with us on a stake out! Look at him! He’s 7 foot tall and hairy! How’s he supposed to blend in? He’d get his fur caught in the roof-tiles or stuck down a chimney!! We’d be a laughing stock within days!!”

Ceri seemed unsure what to say or whom to speak up for; torn between Becky’s realism and Shy’s sheer excitement for the whole project. “Look Shy! I dunno if this is such a good idea…”

“YOU’RE NUTS!! NUTS!! JUST TELL HIM OUTRIGHT!” Becky insisted – but Ceri was wavering.

“Calm down, hon! I’m just trying to explain!” he turned to Shy. “I don’t know if you’ve got the know how to help us! It’s a technical business this crime stuff… Perhaps you can help out!? Do you drive?”

Shy looked unsure. “I can cycle…” he volunteered a tad reluctantly.
“Right – well maybe you could be the Get-away driver – cyclist – I dunno… Perhaps? I’m sure we could find someway in which you could be useful – even if it was just as a lookout – in disguise!?!”

Shy tried not to look too upset. “Listen people…” he said. “I really don’t want to cause an argument here – but I’d like to reassure you that I do have a few tricks hidden up my furry sleeve that could well be of use! I have Yeti talents that I’d be happy to demonstrate which I think might surprise you…”

“He only wants to help out, Becky… Surely we can, at least, listen to him – and to be honest what could we have done if he had decided to go to the Police? He’s been more than good about all this!”

“I pretty sure she’d have shaved off all my fur and suffocated me with it? You can never tell with girls when they get power - it goes to their heads! The female of the species is more deadly than the Yeti!” he said and then added. “She’d never have done it though – I’m told I have a very hypnotic gaze!”

“PLEASE SHY!! SHUT IT!!” Ceri insisted, Becky looked just about cross enough to physically attack the Yeti, like some mother cat protecting her kittens and even Shy wasn’t sure he hadn’t pushed it too far this time and fear he’d end up with badly ruffled fur at the bottom of the stairs. Shy had grown up fearing strong women like Becky - his Great Auntie Joyce had been another good example, which we may return to at some stage. He’d had a rather odd upbringing as far a girls were concerned. Boy yetis tended not to mix with them, to be honest. Most males went into acting, singing or interpretive dance whilst like in the real world, the girl yetis basically did anything and everything of any importance.

“I’m not happy with this – you know I’m not…” sighed Becky at last. “But if he can prove himself, then maybe I’ll rethink. I have a nasty feeling that if we don’t listen, then he’ll go and rob something just to prove that he can and end up in right sticky mess, which we’ll only have to bale him out of anyway! Hopefully the novelty will soon wear off – or else I might well dig out my fur clippers…”

Shy looked as if he was about to say, “Told you so…” when Ceri gave him a very severe look indeed and Shy decided it best to nod in almost total agreement. “You know… Becky’s right…” he agreed. “I probably would try and do something stupid and end up making a complete tit of myself…”

Ceri looked up in the direction of the ceiling. “Looks like we’ve got ourselves a sidekick then! I’d say there won’t be any problem joining us as long as you can prove you’ve got the basic skills required!”

“Amazing!” grinned Shy and this time he did clap his paws. “I’m going to surprise you! I’m quite multi-talented, donchaknow! You just see! These new Yeti powers of mine will blow you away…”

*
To be perfectly honest, Shy soon became a little bit carried away by his mission to impress. In some ways you might say that what Shy did that day in Castleton was worse than anything Ceri and Becky had previously achieved. I mean, a little bit of good, old fashioned thievery is part of what once made this country great! After all, what would America or Australia have been today had we not nicked it off the locals!? Maybe, not the best ever example, I grant you! But as they had both feared Shy really decided to go and push the boat out when it came to showing off his potential value that evening.

“Follow me!” he declared confidently as he led his friends down the High Street. It was beginning to look like rain and there were a few tourists out with brollies. “Might I borrow that? May I? Thank you – cheerio!!” Ceri and Becky stared on incredulously as Shy shambled along the pavement – quite blatantly plucking umbrellas from apparently willing donors, with nothing more than a smile or a grin.

“What the hell is he doing?” exclaimed Becky. “Why are they letting him just do that…”

“Umm – not sure, Bex – all part of the plan I suppose… Nobody seems to be protesting, at all…”

“Umbrella?” Shy was handing them out and so Ceri and Becky took them as the rain had started to fall much harder, by now. “Anyone fancy a take away?” Shy giggled and without waiting for an answer strode into the nearest fish and chip shop. “Once, twice, three times a large cod and chips, please!”
Ceri and Bex watched as their furry friend practically helped himself to the food and yet the fish and chip lady pretty much let him do so. Not a penny was handed over and there he was again – back on the pavement with their dinners. “Apparently they’re free – to me… I have nice eyes, I’m told!”

“He’s using some sort of influence!” Bex had caught on now. “I knew he was telepathic – but THIS!!”

Ceri looked apologetic. “He wasn’t like that before – he wasn’t like this in University for that matter! Not at all! I think he’s been over-stretching his Yeti powers or something – he mentioned concussion!”

“Not insanity?” queried Becky glibly. “Did he forget to mention that bit! Sorry – am I being mean?”

But Ceri did not reply as Shy was back and as hyperactive as ever. “I fancy a pint!!” he declared as he popped a battered sausage into Ceri’s ear and hesitated to stick another up Becky’s nose. Thinking better of it he handed it to her instead. “Stolen goods – I’m afraid!” But you should know all about that by now! To the pub, then!” Ceri was about to ask him to stop, but Shy was in a world of his own – standing in the middle of the road, he’d already flagged down a Postal van which was passing through to collect the last post of the day. “Hop in the back why don’t you?” Shy hollered and gave a large Yeti grin that showed off his strong teeth. “This good man has kindly offered us a lift to the pub!”

The Postie didn’t seem to mind as they all jumped in. “That’ll be the Yeti hypnosis though!” muttered Becky. “We’d better be careful, honey… What if he tries that on us! He could make us his slaves…”

Ceri shot Shy a worried look. “I’d never dare!” Shy assured them. “Careful!” he added as Bex almost sat upon a parcel marked FRAGILE. The Post van shot off down the road and they all ended up in a pile. “Careful, fella! You really must consider us the most valuable cargo you’ve ever carried!”

“Sorry!!” came the reply, as he applied the brakes again and they all fell over into a pile once more.

“Ohhh!” exclaimed Shy excitedly. “We’re here! The Pub!! All out, please!” beginning to get a little tired by now, they still did as they were told and piled out onto the street outside “THE CURIOUS BEAGLE”. Shy waved on the Postie, french kissed two furry builders and then disappeared inside.

“I’m really sorry!” Ceri apologized to the men. “You were hypnotized! Please don’t punch him or us!”

One of the builders grinned and looked dazed. “He’s a good kisser!” he replied. “I wasn’t hypnotized! I don’t hypnotise, me – can’t speak for my mate here but as far as I know he prefers a real man, too!”

“Oh, okay! Thanks then – bye!” Feeling quite befuddled, Becky and Ceri entered the pub, expecting some all out orgy or smooching contest to have ensued. But instead they were met by total silence.

“Come in – come in…” Shy encouraged. The whole pub sat silent. Nobody moved. “Barman…” he bellowed rudely. “Would you bring us that pint you’re drinking – and your plate eat our fish and chips here on your premises! Hurry along now!” Ceri and Becky stood back and admired Shy’s amazing mind control – as the usually moody landlord did as he was told without even a word of protest.

“Thanks, Geoff…” said Becky, helping herself hungrily – having not eaten since the robbery.

“So am I in then?” asked Shy as he unwrapped his paper parcel. Standing up he walked from silent table to silent table – sipping a bit from one pint, chugging down a half glass of this or that – turning one man’s hat back to front and removing a tasty looking steak and kidney pie from a ladies plate to the sad looking dog who sat alone in the corner. “Never fear!” he added. “I do have some conscience! I’ll errr – buy everyone a round! Not that I have a great deal of dosh, but I’ll have a word with Geoff!”

“Sounds good to me!” muttered one man – it was one of the builders that he’d snogged just recently.

Shy smiled, but then continued. “Come on – the hypnosis is wearing off now - but you have to admit it, I could be useful! I can show you a nice trinket to steal if you take me along! So, am I in? Just the once! I’ll grow bored of the novelty – I’ll let you get back to your routine in peace. Please, guys…” The whole pub waited in silence for the answer. Well, strictly speaking it didn’t because they were mostly all hypnotized, but it sounds more impressive and dramatic if you can picture it. “Guys?!?”

“You’re in, if Becky says you’re in…” replied Ceri. “Bex? You have the final say…”

Silence. All eyes turned to Becky. Then. “Okay…” she sighed. “You’re in – just this once…”

“Cool banana!” grinned Shy. “Now, that is good news! Smashing… Geoff’s round then! Geoff!?”

Almost as he finished speaking the Pub flicked back into life again. Becky closed her eyes as she chewed another mouthful of fish. “I do hope we won’t both be regretting this in a couple of days…” she whispered to Ceri, who tried to look positive. “Shy Yeti…” she exclaimed. “Shy Yeti, my foot…”

FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WEEK IN PART 3 OF SHY YETI AND THE TALE OF THE DIAMOND STUDDED PIE!!!

PART 3 WILL BE POSTED UP ON FRIDAY 18TH NOVEMBER...