THE TALE OF THE DIAMOND STUDDED PIE - PART 6

Shy thought quickly – there was only one thing for it…

Taking a very large breath Shy opened his mouth and gulped. With an almighty PLOP he swallowed the Diamond Studded Pie. “You may have blown up my friends…” he remarked crisply. “But you won’t blow up this Motherfurking Yeti!” Just to be sure Shy removed all the other pielets from his ears, head, arm pits and various other furry orifices – the fake and the genuine and he swallowed those too. Ed Alexander watched agog. “What do you think of that, buggerlugs?” he grinned triumphantly.

“You’ll still be blown up…” said Ed, beginning to back off. “All you’ve done is muffled the blow – which is good for me – but won’t stop your insides being spread to the high heavens…”

Shy smiled again. “I don’t think so, you know… My stomach is pretty impressive – it’d take a lot more than a few little bombs to blow something as tough as that up…” he gave a sudden loud belch. “Ohh… Nasty… One of the smaller pielets I think… Acidy – but I’m ok - still standing I think you’ll find…” he burped again. “Oh! Unpleasant – yet inevitable…” A pause. Another burp and another.

“Keep them coming…” sighed Shy. “I’m sorry…” he paused. “How greedy of me – I should have shared… Maybe you’d like a pielet…” he took one last pielet from his fur. “Maybe you’d like a quick snack?” Shy took a step towards Ed. “Well? It’d be impolite not to accept… Open wide…”

Edward backed off – but walked straight into the wall – there was nowhere else to run…

Meanwhile, back downstairs Kim was trying to find a way out. The Pavilion was full of Police by now – but she hadn’t made her presence known. She’d lost track of where Ed was and was keen not to run into any of the Police gangs armed with tear gas. So far, they’d only managed to round up Hunt and the other security guards – though she knew that at least one, if not more of the thieves had already left the building and had probably been blown up, somewhere in the grounds. “This reminds me of my time in the Girl Guides!” she sighed and shuddered at the thought of how awful the uniform had been.

Kim sighed and took a quick look at her reflection in a mirror – she hated having to dress like this and brushing a layer of dust off her glamorous Security outfit she quickly removed her piercings and goth wig and slipped into something more casual. She felt a lot more at home in saggy tracksuit bottoms, horn-rimmed, thick lensed glasses that seemed to almost entirely swallow her formerly attractive green eyes. Popping on her favourite strait jacket and a dowdy bobble hat concealing her dirty blonde hair beneath. She was ready to go. It was her usual weekend wear and she felt much better for having changed. Briefcase in hand she took a lighter from her pocket and in less than 30 seconds had made herself a handy Molotov cocktail, setting fire to all the curtains in the lower gallery room. Throwing another across the room it exploded against the wall and began to burn. It was diversion enough for her to get away unseen… The brief case was heavy and she really couldn’t risk getting caught…

Back upstairs on the balcony, Shy was cross that Ed wasn’t cowering more. As much as he wanted to push the pielet down the man’s throat he was in danger of them both blowing up should this last pie be one of the boobie-trapped ones – it wasn’t worth waiting to see just to get an apology. “I thought you were going to share your pielets…” Ed taunted unexpectedly. “Or have you had second thoughts?”

Shy pushed Ed to the patio and instead swallowed the pielet himself. “No second thoughts – I’m just rather selfish…” he declared and then burped – just in time as the eighth and final pielet, along with a couple of others already inside his stomach did their explosive business. “Ah – nearly done now!” he smiled, beginning to feel a little worse for wear. “I’m coping rather well!” There came two more small explosions and the second one sent him staggering backwards – over on his furry behind and then one last rumble which knocked him back upright again. Before Ed could react Shy was upon him; pinning him to the ground. “You called me Yeti earlier – you know who I am then! You know why I’m here!”

He’d expected to see some fear in his eyes, but Ed Alexander remained quite composed. “Of course! I must say I’m not quite sure why you teamed up with those other two losers, very generous, but you’re more talented than either of them! It’s a shame they’ve dragged you down to their level… I respect your historical motives, Yeti – it’s a bit like a family reunion – you almost deserve to keep them!”

Anger burnt in Shy’s eyes and for a moment he could barely speak. “You’re a slick tongued grandson of a mayor aren’t you… But I’m a useless criminal and I know it! I’ve gotten my two friends involved in all this just because I had some stupid fantasy that I wanted to be Bonnie and Clyde and now I… Well, no – to be fair – YOU have gone and killed them! You’re as much the criminal as me! Actually, no – you’re the only real criminal here – you’re pretty much a psychopath!” Ed Alexander continued to stare back at him – apparently oblivious to the large weight of Yeti resting on him. “Should I hand you over to the law, strap you to an explosive or swallow you whole and see how much you like that?”

“I’d never fit inside your stomach – not even with the size of your belly!”

“You wanna try me?” Shy’s paws were tightening around Ed’s neck. “I’m sure I could find room for you – or if I can’t then I’m sure I could take a fair few bites and then keep the rest for later!” By now, Ed’s composure was slipping a little – he had to make this sound good – the Police were close now. “YOU KILLED MY FRIENDS…” Shy said dispassionately. “NOW I KILL YOU!” With that he picked Ed up and held him above his mouth, but to Shy’s dismay Ed was still smiling and Shy thought he was going to have to try and eat the man when suddenly Ed having seen Shy’s sharp teeth in the moonlight and with one final choking laugh he passed out. “Now I know how David Banner feels…” muttered Shy. “Boy, did he make me mad – if I was the Hulk I’d be a bright shade of green by now…” Throwing Ed’s limp body over his shoulder he stared out across the gardens in search of some sign of his friends, but there was none. “I’m not finished with you…” Shy decided – intent on getting some declaration of guilt from the man before he left Brighton. Hopping over the balcony wall, he dropped clumsily from hanging basket to basket and hurried across the garden in search of Ceri and Becky.

“Where are you going…” called a voice. “If you go that way you’re bound to get arrested…”

Shy turned – hoping for a second it was Becky, but it was Kim Travers. “Don’t try and stop me leaving here!” he growled. “I’m a Yeti in a very bad mood and I’d advise you not to mess with me…”

Kim said nothing. Smoke floated across the lawn as all around them Police and Firemen ran around in total confusion. “I’m really not your enemy!” she said and Shy noticed that she looked quite different than before. “Okay – I’m sure you’re aware that I’ve worked with Ed – but I’m far from being in league with him… If you’d been listening you’d have heard me trying to offer you help outta here!”

Shy was confused. “But you were in the Pavilion, the bombs, my friends – your boss killed them!”

“I very much doubt that!” reassured Kim. “The explosives were dummies… They make a lot of noise and smoke but they don’t kill! I swapped all the real ones that Ed set up!” Shy looked disappointed and Kim had noticed. “Hey, what’s up with you – what exactly did you do with the pies you stole?”

“They’re in my stomach…” Shy replied. “I kind of thought I’d been all heroic by swallowing them…”

“The fact you thought they were real bombs and you did that makes you pretty special, Shy…” Kim replied. “Listen, at least you’re safe and haven’t got your guts scattered from one side of the garden to the other! You’ll just have to be a bit careful when you pass the Pies, sweetie! Although… Well, you’ll see… You didn’t think your stomach could withstand real explosions did you? Still – you’re pretty hardy – even dummy explosives will give you a bad case of indigestion and you seem fine, so far…” Kim paused and took a quick look at the unconscious Ed flopped out over Shy’s shoulder. “Listen, would you like to come with me? Bring the hostages – I haven’t even started with him yet!”

“My pleasure…” nodded Shy, trying not to inhale the smoke which still wafted across the gardens. “I don’t understand at all, mind! But you do seem to be the only friendly person out here tonight!”

“Pretty much!” she agreed. “Anyway, you’re not meant to understand! Just follow me furry chops!”

Kim had promised to lead him to safety and sure enough she did just that…

Sometime later, at the end of Brighton Pier – Kim having picked the lock so they could gain access – the Pier having closed some while before. Stopping only long enough for Shy to break into the Dr Who Exhibition and set up a special Yeti display they reconvened at the very end of the mile long Pier – just long enough to tie Edward Alexander upside down and to dangle him into the sea covered in fish bait. “What are you trying to catch, Kim?” asked Shy as they dunked Edward into the murky waters for another few minutes. “Shall we speak to him yet, Miss Travers or leave him awhile?”

“Leave him awhile…” replied Kim. “You do know that my name isn’t Kim or Travers don’t you?”
“Well no… I hadn’t thought much about it – I hardly know you – we only seem to have been joined in a common goal rather unexpectedly this evening… What is your name then?”

“I couldn’t possibly say…” replied Kim cryptically. “If I told you I’d have to kill myself…”

“Oh… Right… Interested twist there…” nodded Shy earnestly. “So… What now… Are we dipping Alexander into the sea to make him beg our forgiveness – so he won’t turn us into the Police…”

“No dear!” smiled Kim. “He wouldn’t dare – we’re only doing this for a bit of fun because he deserves it… Believe me - he deserves it… He’s pissed off a fair few people over the years… Just think of me as one of those nutjobs that escapes from an asylum to seek to avenge his crimes! I also have a total crush on furry ex librarian Yeti’s – though I know I have no chance with you whatsoever!”

“Oh right… Okay… Well, I’m very flattered…” Shy replied, still trying to catch up with all this new information. It had been a long night. “I presume you’re referring to something other than his antics tonight…” Kim nodded. “…but you couldn’t possibly tell me because you’d have to kill yourself…”

“No… I’d have to kill my family…” she explained, cosying up to a rather perplexed looking Shy. “Golly Yeti – you’re so nice and warm – I wish I could keep you as a pet…” She took off her bobble hat for a second and ruffled her dusty blonde hair against his fur. “Or maybe I could be your pet?”

“Oh well!” Shy paused and looked embarrassed. “I do sometimes take on people as sidekicks, but in your case you seem to have your own plans and missions – you’re very independent and it suits you!” he added, just to make sure she knew he respected her. “By the way, may I just say how good you were earlier – at picking the lock and changing the explosives and… I won’t even ask what you’ve got in that brief case or you’ll just have to go and kill all your pets or the postman or something…”

Kim grinned and flipped open the case. “Nah… Quite happy to show you what I’ve got… It’s actually for you…” Inside the brief case was The Diamond Studded Pies and the eight pielets. “I’ve been keeping them safe for you… Don’t worry – I’ve taken a few trinkets for myself…”

“These are the REAL Pies?” Shy asked – dumbstruck. “But what about the ones of display? Fakes?” she nodded. “But… That means I was about to replace fake pies with more fake pies and – I could have just thrown them all over the balcony rather than swallowing them to make sure I still had them!”

“Yeah, pretty much – but you weren’t to know that were you?” It was a fair point. “There’s something else in the case for you… All the surveillance tapes from the extra cameras that Eddie had set up… I don’t suppose any of you knew about those – but they were there… Anyway – they don’t exist any more so you needn’t worry… Just don’t tell anyone about the fire I started! There was some evidence of my own involvement I needed to get rid of too – so it’s not just me being all kind hearted!”

By now Shy was feeling quite taken aback and all he could say was. “Shall I check on Alexander? Make sure he’s not escaped?” Kim smiled and nodded and so with all his might he pulled the rather damp and unhappy looking (but now conscious) ex-detective up from where he’d hung, some few inches above the water below. “How’s he looking?” Shy asked Kim. “Has he learnt his lesson?”

“Unfortunately, I rather doubt it…” sighed Kim. “I think you’d better leave me too it, Shy… I’ve got some scores to settle and a few words I need to say to him in private…”

Eddie Alexander was looking panicked now. “No! No – please don’t leave me! I don’t deserve this! She’s insane… She’ll kill me, do you hear Shy… She’ll murder me in c,c,cold b,b,blood…”

“Will you really?” Shy turned to Kim – but Kim wasn’t giving anything away. “I’m sorry Ed – but if it hadn’t have been for Kim then both my friends and my stomach would have been blown away by your explosives!” Ed didn’t realise what he meant at first – and it occurred to Shy that he still thought he’d killed them and that Shy had actually swallowed the real explosives. “It was a lucky escape we had there – thanks to Kim! Who am I to deny her, her pleasures? I can’t dictate to this young lady what she does and doesn’t do and quite frankly I have no interest nor incentive to try and free you from your bonds… I’m heading off now to find my friends and I’ll leave Kim to do whatever she has to…”

“No! NOOOO!” Edward was obviously very distraught – but Shy was finding the sound of his voice extremely irritating. He tore a strip off his jacket and quickly tied it around Edward Alexander’s mouth. “They we go… A handy and stylish gag to keep him quiet whilst you lecture him, Kim…”

Kim smiled and broad and generous grin. “Thank you so much, Shy… It’s been most pleasant meeting you – I do hope we bump into each other in less challenging an environment next time…”

“Me too…” Shy replied and shook her hand warmly. “Have fun with Mr Alexander… Dunk him under just once or twice more for me, won’t you… Long dunks, mind… At least a minute each!”

“Oh I shall…” nodded Kim and trifle too enthusiastically and Shy took this as a good point to make his departure. He was beginning to think that Kim really was as insane as her strait jacket implied. “Take care furry man…” she called as he took the brief case that she’d brought for him and began to make his way back down the pier to the beach. “Good luck with passing those pies…”

“I’ll need it…” Shy muttered to himself, already beginning to feel a little uncomfortable and silly for having swallowed all the fake pies – giving Kim a parting way as he headed on his way.

Having bid farewell to Kim, he found himself a 24 hour café to sit in and watched as things calmed down around the Pavilions. The fire seemed to be out and the Police passed him by in the street at least twice on his way to an early morning chemist and never stopped to even ask for his autograph. Having chewed on a rather large Rennie for a couple of hours and having finally got all the fake Diamond Pies out of his system it was with rather less surprise than they expected that he found both Ceri and Becky looking very weary and slightly dishevelled, sitting on the stones by the West Pier at just after dawn that day. “You’re alive then… Thank Furs for that!” was all he could think of to say.

“We’re doing okay…” grinned Becky. “Got caught in the blast and covered in earth – but nothing that won’t come out in the wash… Glad to see you got out okay – we didn’t know what to do…”

“Cheers! I was a bit worried for all of us for a while there – but you did the right thing!” Shy admitted and explained how he’d witnessed the explosions and only just managed to get out of the building.

“They weren’t real bombs – probably dummies I reckon…” explained Ceri and Shy nodded. He didn’t bother to tell them much of Kim’s story in the end. He told them how he’d swallowed the pies and confronted Alexander – pointed out where Eddie was now safely secured from the bungy rope but said nothing about it being Kim’s idea. “So you’ve got the pies?” asked Ceri. “That’s marvellous…”

Shy could have been gloaty about it, but knowing that Kim had a been a large part of his success what with the cameras being fixed and Ed being dangled he didn’t want to overdo his part in the victory – if you could call it that. Something about the whole evening still felt a bit of a shambles. “Shall we just sit here and watch Ed Alexander bounce up and down from the rope until the Police arrest him?” he suggested. Then go for some breakfast?” Becky was still uncertain about whether the ex-copper had any evidence on them. “Don’t worry!” Shy explained. “I had a word with him - I’m pretty certain he won’t say anything… There’s no proof we were ever at the Pavilion – I errr – I made sure of it… We pretty much got all we came for – well I did and if you want you can take the pielets for your display!”

“You don’t want them after all that!?” exclaimed Becky indignantly.

“Not really… I did think about giving them to my fortune telling friend Fatima the Fantabulous, she’s the nearest I have to family these days – but on the other hand I’d be just as happy if you had them…”

Shy knew full well that Ceri and Becky weren’t exactly going to be raring to invite him back for another case so he decided to step in and end any possible uncertainty. “I must say…” he continued. “It’s been good fun all this – one way or another – but I don’t think I’d want to do it again…”

Shy noticed that Becky visibly brightened on hearing that, but wasn’t offended. Having left the beach, they had managed to shower and change in local facilities and were eating brunch at the Regency tearooms. “You’ll be missed – but it’s nice we can discuss stuff with you now…” she smiled. “I we must definitely arrange for you to come and see the Cave display once the shelves are up…”

“I’d like that…” nodded Shy affectionately. “I like your t-shirts by the way…” he continued, totally changing the subject as a very unsubtle way of hinting how kind he’d been at lending his dischevelled friends a spare shirt or two. Ceri grinned as he tucked into his breakfast. His was yellow with red lettering which declared “THE GOODIES” on one side and “…ANYWHERE, ANYTIME…” on the back. “It’s very you – I was going to give it to you for your birthday – but you’d better have it earlier! That said, I’d be careful who reads the bit on the back or you might get mobbed!” Shy laughed.

“Yours is very understated…” Ceri acknowledged. Shy’s t-shirt just read “SLAPPER” on one side and “STUD” on the other. “Depends on your mood I suppose…”

“Most definitely…” Shy agreed. “I like Becky’s t-shirt best – I gave it her especially... It’s from Simon’s World Tour of Swindon 1979 and quite a collectors piece – it’s from the first Yeti stage tour of Grease! I etched all the programmes out personally using the juice of 100 tins of Noodle Doodles!”

Becky smiled widely – she seemed quite attached to Shy’s gift. “On one side there was a photo of Simon Yeti in some kind of disco outfit printed on a mauve t-shirt and on the back the words “YETI – YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I WANT…” were displayed in a fetching crème lettering. “I like it very much…” she nodded. “I wish I’d seen that production – I’m sure it would have been marvellous!”

“Oh it was…” Shy smiled. “Simon was the Olivia Newton John role and Windsor Davies did the John Travolta part – inspired casting by me, even if I do say so myself…”

“Unforgettable…” agreed Ceri. “Now listen here - even though we lost most of the stuff we took from the Pavilions we do have SOME good news – something to add of our own…” he explained, reaching for a file that seemed to contain a lot of interesting documentation. “We came back to the Regency Hotel and found our way into Eddie’s room – I think you’ll find it all quite fascinating… We’ll be keeping the list of stolen material and there are invoices and letters and allsorts that seems to infer he had selling his silence to criminals in exchange for evidence of their crimes going missing or being destroyed. That and it would seem that he rather liked to buy cut price goods to give to family and loved ones at Christmas…” Shy shook his head in wonder. “There are a few corrupt people we might well be paying visits to – so that all these valuables are at least in semi-honest hands!”

“So you did hit paydirt!” grinned Shy. “I’m so glad. So – what else are you planning after this?”

Ceri wasn’t sure what to say, but Becky had a definite opinion. “We’re going to have to look into some competitors… Someone is attempting to move onto our patch – not Raffles types like us but a couple of Super villains who have been getting in the way…” Shy raised an eyebrow. “I know it sounds mad – but they are out there… These ones are rather ludicrously known as Percy – Lord of Rock and he has a sidekick who calls himself James Destiny – Hive Master… Just don’t ask!”

Shy pulled an exasperated face. “What about Super Heroes?” he said. “Surely for every Super Villain there’s a Super Hero – won’t that cause you bother? In case they decide you’re causing bother too?”

“Exactly why we’re worried…” explained Ceri reluctantly. “There are also two Super Heroes called Christanos and Mole Boy who are already in on the action… They’re getting dangerously close to our neck of the woods – it could make things difficult for all of us more old fashioned thieves…”

“Just remember…” Shy began. “That for enough money I might even be lured out of retirement to help you, should it come to that! I do have my very own special Super powers after all!” Shy paused – his powers seemed to have thankfully returned now and Shy had even managed to avoid mentioning to his friends that he’d nearly jeopardised everything by having lost them before. “Just a minute…” he said suddenly. “Didn’t you say there was something I might be interested in, in those files?”

Becky took a ring bound document from the file and handed it over. “Take a look! There are loads of references to Simon in it! Apparently one of the criminals Ed mixed with had showbiz connections and was flogging some of Simon’s old awards!” Shy nodded sadly – Shy’s accountants had ripped off his estate after his disappearance. “It also says that the dealer claimed to be selling Simon’s time travel device, with references to your mate Danbear having made bids for items listed on the catalogue as being – ahead of their time, let’s say!” Shy took the folder and flicked through it. “There’s mention of items of future technology crash landing near Oxford! You might want to take a look!”

Shy nodded. “My friend Dean lives up near there – nice fella – bit cheeky – maybe he can put me up! I should ring Joolz too!” Ceri and Becky nodded vaguely, Shy had found a group photo of himself with Danbear . “How very odd… I don’t remember this being taken…” he said. “Or who on earth took it!”

“Listen!” Ceri said, interrupting his thoughts as they finished their breakfasts. “If you need dropping off in Oxford we’ll give you a lift – are you going to call this Dean guy and see if he can put you up?”

“Just did - telepathically!” Ceri winced instinctively, Shy just grinned. “Are you sure I can’t drive?”

“No!” snapped Bex. “Really, no thanks! Not even your Super Yeti powers can make us agree to that!”

“Really?” Shy chuckled. “Fair play, though I’d never resort to that… You could do me one favour though…” Ceri looked curious, Becky slightly alarmed. “Oh, it’s perfectly safe…” he assured them. “I just wanted to keep hold of the pies for a while – I’ll give them back, but I do think it would be nice to let Fatima have them for a bit… She lost a lot of possessions in a landslide when a giant moved in next door – she thinks it was probably the actual giant from Jack and the beanstalk! Those shiny Diamond Studded Pies would be just perfect in her vegetable patch – glinting away to scare away the crows…”

“Now who’s making things up…” muttered Becky. “He’s getting his own back…”

Shy was rather indignant. “Becky – I can assure you that it’s most definitely the truth…” he assured them with a laugh – and then paused thoughtfully as they headed from the tearooms to their car. “Although isn’t it funny how everyone has a different version of what the truth really is, darlings…”

Ceri smiled. It hadn’t been such a bad adventure after all. Shy was squatting down on his haunches, admiring his appearance in the side door mirror. “Look at you…” he laughed, pleased that Shy brighter again. “You’re so vain these days, you’re getting more and more like Simon everyday…”

Shy shivered – Ceri had made a good point. “It’s almost as if he’s taken me over – like some sort of possession – ever since I hit my head!” Could it be true? Shy was quiet almost all the way to Oxford. The thought haunted him. Could it be possible? Was he somehow becoming the spitting image of his old mentor – and if so – where exactly did the future lie? He suddenly had a very nasty image of Kim Travers in her strait jacket. “That will never happen…” he assured himself. “I would rather die first…”

EPILOGUE

Ed Alexander was arrested that day for the theft of valuable from Brighton Pavilion and also charged with arson, causing malicious damage to a historical building and illegal bungy jumping off Brighton Pier. When questioned he told police stories of thieving Yetis and criminal librarians – of Goths who wore strait jackets and of love for Wonder Woman and how his mother ruled his life with her infernal budgies. “I’m very sorry…” Sighed Dr Mex Nephur – the tall and rather curiously handsome Mexican medic who’d been brought him to give a statement on his state of mind. “But none or very little of any of this makes any sense at all… There’s no sign of anyone matching his descriptions and the force said he never had a female colleague that he was working with at the time of his dismissal. I don’t know what to say really… I’m afraid he might be severely disturbed! He was found trying to write a poison pen letter to someone this morning – all it said was YOUR HISTORY, spelt wrongly – he’d chopped up today’s copy of The Daily Rag and was attempting to stick it to the page with Marmite… He was very cross when the letter was taken away – he told me his time would come… Most disturbing!””

“So would you definitely say he was mad?” asked the officer in charge. “Next you’re going to tell me that his mother’s been dead twenty years and that in fact he lives on his own…”

“Not quite…” replied Dr Nephur. “He does live with his mother – but she claims they haven’t kept Budgerigars for about fifteen years… Oh – and one other thing… The colleague he mentioned – you said her name was Kim didn’t you? Kim Travers?” The office in charge nodded. “Very interesting…” sighed Mex dubiously. “Because according to his mother, her son was a very inventive child – he used to claim he had a twin brother named Henry and what is more he had an invisible friend… You won’t believe it – but apparently the name of the invisible friend was – most intriguingly – Kim Travers…”

THIS IS THE LAST STORY TO BE POSTED IN 2005 - THE NEXT ADVENTURE WILL BE POSTED IN SPRING 2006 - SO WATCH THIS SPACE!!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR READERS!!!

THE TALE OF THE DIAMOND STUDDED PIE - PART 5

Ceri looked at his watch and then down at his Palm-pilot which had up on the screen a small plan of the electricity and alarm systems in the Pavilion. “What’s keeping him – the alarms are still on - it’s after seven – he was supposed to let us in by now…” he grumbled – looking very uncomfortable, as he and Becky lurked outside in the Pavilion Gardens. “Come on Shy – get your act together…”

“Yeah, well don’t hope for too many miracles, honey…” replied Becky, somewhat unhelpfully. “After all, remind me who it was who thought it was such a good idea to have the Yeti let us in, in the first place… Why not me… Why not you… Why not someone who’d done it before – it made no sense…”

Ceri blushed. “Are you saying he did one of his stares at me… Dammit! He did, didn’t he…”

Becky gave him a gentle hug. “Don’t worry hon. Not only you to you – he got through me too! Well, let’s just sit back and wait and see what happens… This is his show – let’s see how he deals with it…”

Ceri wasn’t so sure he could remain so distant. “We have to help him… If something goes wrong…”

“You’re optimistic!” Becky sighed. “Look, we’ll do what we can – but he’s deliberately over-ruled us here! If he’s careful and if we’re clever we’ll pull this off! But if he does something REALLY, I mean REALLY, REALLY stupid then I dunno! I’m not sure if we can help him if he gets himself arrested!”

“No, don’t even think it, Becks… Let’s leave some hope aside that he’s going to be okay…”

“Well, we’re not turning ourselves in… Not because of this… It’s bad enough that some stupid ex-copper’s after us – let alone throwing it all away for that fool of a Yeti… I’m sorry – but NO!”

“Of course not!” Ceri paused crossly – something was happening on the Palm-Pilot screen. “Hey! Do you see that – the power on all the internal alarms has dropped right back – it’s gone to neutral - he’s done it! We should just be able to trip the lock and get right into the Music Room and out again before anyone’s even noticed… Leaving the door for his furriness to follow us out once he’s finished…”

“Wonders will never cease…” smiled Becky and nodded – indicating where they needed to go next.

Watching them from one of the windows was Kim Travers. “Make sure they get in, Kim… Most probably one of them will smuggle their way in during the day… Whichever one it is - we’ll get them!” Edward Alexander had ordered her. “However, they’ll be expecting their companion to let them in, most probably and if we want to catch the lot of them we’ve got to make them think the plan is working and nab them at the very last minute – red handed… So make sure you switch off the alarms – to make them think things are all going well… Do you understand!” Kim Travers was no fool…

“Oh well…” Kim sighed as she watched Ceri and Becky breaking into the Music Room on the floor below her. “They’re in now, alright… You’ve getting everything you deserved… All of you…”

Meanwhile, downstairs, the couple were already overly curious about how easy things seemed to be coming together. “Shall we start removing things? Shall I try and find the safe?” Ceri whispered to Bex. “I know we had specific things in mind – but I’m beginning to feel a bit edgy about this already!”

“You and me both, hon…” Becky agreed. “Listen – pretty much all the stuff here belonged to that crook Fulton – I’ve read all up on him… Nasty piece of work… If he wasn’t stealing it from Yetis, he was blackmailing closeted gay couples who were trying to settle down here or swindling business men… Most of this stuff is stolen or replica one way or another… Just grab what you can get…”

“What about you? Where are you going?”

“Just to check on the Yeti! Hurry up, just get a bag or two and then go for the car – I won’t be a mo!”

“But Becky!!” There was no use shouting though, she was already gone and there was no stopping a Becky with a mission in mind. “Take care, won’t you…” he muttered – as much to himself as to Bex.
Ceri reached out gently – resting his hand upon a carriage clock that had once belonged (he’d checked) to Miss Isle of Wight 1902. No alarms… With a reassured deep breath of relief he placed the clock at the bottom of his rucksack, wrapping it hastily in bubble wrap for safety. “Good old Shy…” he smiled and then began to search around the room for more previously stolen goodies…

*
Meanwhile upstairs, Shy still had his eyes closed – wishing not to be caught – but with no time to slip away into one of the Gallery rooms for safety. “DON’T SEE ME… PLEASE DON’T SEE ME – I’M INVISIBLE!!!” He could tell, by now – that Edward Alexander and the second guard had reached the top of the stairs and were presumably very close and yet they had still not seen him…

“One of them will be around here somewhere…” Ed Alexander was saying to his second in command. “Go and catch up with the second Unit – they’ll be making cups of cocoa in the Adelaide tea room if I’m not very much mistaken… I did try to explain to you all that this isn’t just another night on patrol – tonight’s the night this place is going to get broken into – that’s pretty much a certainty…”

“Yeah – whatever you say - but you didn’t want to call in the Police, did you? If it hadn’t been for your mate being our boss you’d never had gotten in here in the first place…” Shy smiled, this was good to know. “See – we don’t get paid any overtime for all this extra patrolling you’re making us do and now it’s time for my next tea break… You and the wife come and join us, if you like, mate!”

“Hunt! Don’t walk away from me like that – I haven’t finished with you…”

“Don’t shout!” cried Hunt, almost brushing against Shy on his way to the tea room. “Don’t shout – you’ll scare the burglars! Bloody ex-coppers, think they still run the place – you won’t get a badge this time mate!” Shy heard Hunt mutter as he headed down the corridor in search of refreshment.

Ed Alexander wasn’t happy – it didn’t take Shy’s telepathy to tell that, he could feel the rage radiating off of the man. “You bunch of idiots…” he spat. “I’ll see you’re all fired for this…” But Shy could sense he knew he didn’t have the power to do that – even if he did know the Head of the Security team (another ex-cop) and had managed to blag his way into patrolling the Pavilion that night.

“He’s trying to arrange it all himself…” mused Shy as Ed begun to flash his torch around the North Gallery, before deciding which room to try next. “Trying to steal all the glory – that’s his biggest mistake yet…” But suddenly Shy realised that the torch was flashing at him – lingering on him too and what’s more he’d almost forgotten the danger he was in. Ed was coming his way and what’s more Shy had a peculiar and unstoppable need to sneeze… “Now you’re done for… PLEASE DON’T SEE ME…” he willed – but deep down he knew there was no power left in his Yeti body. His time was up.

Downstairs, not so very far away, in the Hall below, Becky had reached the Security Offices, careful not to bump into any Security Guards on Patrol. There were definitely more around than normal, but that was partly to be expected! Outside the door to the office stood a woman who Becky vaguely recognised, but not sign of Shy Yeti at all. Whatsmore – from what she could see – the video monitors were still functioning which was definitely bad news indeed. “This isn’t right… What exactly’s going on here…” she wondered to herself, concerned that someone would see either Ceri or herself on the camera. “They’ve invited us into the parlour and we’ve come running… So where’s the Spider? And where, for that matter – is the Yeti?”

Suddenly, the woman’s walkie talkie crackled into life. “No sign as yet, Kim…” said a voice that was drowned out by static. “Give them another few minutes then turn the alarms back on… They’ll set them off as they leave and we can round them all up and present them with a flourish to the local Constabulary…” It was Edward Alexander, she was sure of it – lost somewhere in the building in search of Shy. And the woman… Kim… One of his colleagues – a helper – a spy…
“From the Service Station, of course…” recalled Becky. “Shit – I knew that Yeti would never have the chance to cut the wires…” she turned back into the shadows whilst Kim had her back turned and almost ran full pelt back to the Music Room and Gallery to warn Ceri of exactly what was going on.

Back upstairs, Shy still had his paws crossed. “DON’T SEE ME…”he wished and almost said it aloud.

“I can’t see a bloody thing in here…” said Ed Alexander and for a moment Shy froze and thought he was actually addressing him. “Where are they? They’ll not get away – even if they do get away they’ll not get away with it…” Shy gave a metaphorical breath of relief – too risky to give an actual one. It was obvious to him now that Ed couldn’t see him at all and yet he wasn’t making a lot of sense – perhaps he was ill as well as short sighted. “What an ugly gnu…” muttered Ed, giving Shy a quick glance. “Why do hunters think it’s so clever to stick their trophies on the wall like that…” he tapped Shy on the head. “This one’s got a solid skull and smells awful… It shouldn’t be allowed – chuck it in the litter I say – I’m sure that wasn’t one of my Grandfathers… Maybe I will stop for a cup of coffee after all…” he finished and with that also disappeared in the direction of the Adelaide tea room.

“A GNU!!” exclaimed Shy once he was sure he was on his own. “A Gnu of all things – I AM NOT A GNU! He needs his head read – let alone anything else… Good grief!” He was still in a state of panic and was busy trundling off toward the Queen Victoria suite when he remembered that not only had he left his walkie talkie in the Yellow Bow room, but that he wasn’t sure whether he was still supposed to be turning off the alarm and letting Becky and Ceri in. “Too late for all that… They’ve probably buggered off – I’ll just check my watch…” Bex had given him a new watch especially for the evening – one which would indicate whether an area was still alarmed. “Nope…” Shy noted having scanned the room ahead. “All the alarms are off so they’ve either found there own way in or everything’s broken…” he wondered again for a second whether the cameras were still on – once again that had been his job – but he already had his eyes on something centrepiece in the display cabinet in the room before him. “Who cares if they see me – what’ll they make of seeing a great big yeti on their monitor screens – I can always say it was Simon Yeti and not me – how would they tell the difference…” he giggled. “Anyway – these pies belong to my family – their rightfully mine and I’d box the ears of anyone who said otherwise… Bastards…” There before him were the Diamond Studded Pies and all the little pielets… “Come to daddy…” grinned Shy and crossed the room towards them.

Downstairs, Ceri had nearly finished all that he wanted to take from the Gallery room just as Becky came hurrying back in. “We’ve got to leave now… It wasn’t Shy who turned off the alarms – it was them – they’ve let us walk straight inside…”

Ceri nearly dropped the bag he was carrying. “So why haven’t they just rounded us up already? Where’s Shy? What about the cameras?”

“Still running I expect – I’m going to see to it and to see to Shy if I can find him… They’ve probably not picked us up yet because that idiot of an ex-copper is organising this with that girlfriend of his – she was at the service station watching us the other day – goth girl – she’s here now, helping Ed Alexander… Take anything you’ve got and just go – I’ve got to make sure that the surveillance cameras are seen too – make sure the tapes are destroyed…”

“But I’m not leaving you…” Ceri persisted. “Let’s fight ‘em to the death together…”

“Nice irony, but listen, honey! Take the bag and go! I won’t be long and I promise I won’t be long…”

“You won’t seduce any security guards in exchange for letting you go if they do catch you?”

Becky shook her head. “No – I’ll leave that to you – cheers for the vote of confidence – now get out!”

Ceri nodded. Collected his equipment he hurried towards the door – careful to check that no-one was waiting for him outside. Relieved he was safe, Becky hurried back to the Security Office, but on her arrival and to her amazement she found the room totally empty. She could hear movement upstairs – but there was no sign of Kim the Goth, Ed Alexander or anyone else for that matter. “Ok!” she sighed. “This has got to be a trap… But traps are you’re speciality!” A while back she’d escaped being eaten by a trip-wired Venus flytrap by hanging from the ceiling by her iPod earphones. She’d only gotten away by smashing the green house window and decapitating the poor plant with the shattered glass.
Creeping cautiously into the room she was relieved that nothing untoward occurred – at least not immediately. Making sure that her gloves were tightly on and that there was no chance of leaving any finger prints she set to work on the surveillance material first. Making sure that all tapes for the day were, not only wiped but that the machine was short circuited and all tapes unspooled. Within 30 seconds it was done and the tape destroyed within the bins with some hastily applied acid that she always kept on her person for emergencies. Useful for occasions such as these or sometimes for more brutal punishment when adversaries required their clothes dissolving! (Never their faces, mind-that just wasn’t playing the game) The cameras themselves continued to work (but not for very much longer) but Becky took the opportunity to check out a few of the cameras. First she noted that Ceri was well on his way to escaping to safety and the location where their car was stashed. Next she located the tea rooms, where most of the guards, including the Kim and Edward Alexander were taking a break (Eddie was restless though! She wouldn’t be left alone for very much longer, she suspected! Best to hurry!) Finally, having scanned some of the empty upstairs rooms she found Shy – busy in the Queen Victoria Apartment about to steal the Diamond Studded Pie…

Something wasn’t right… The alarms were still switched off – all the guards were taking tea…

“Shy…” she raised her minature walkie talkie to her ear – it was only meant to be used in emergencies – but this seemed like exactly the right time. “Shy… Wait… Don’t take the pies yet… There’s something wrong here…” On the screen Shy didn’t seem to hear her. “Shy?” It was then she realised that he no longer had his walkie talkie. Was there a tannoy? Should she risk using it even if there was? Could she get up the stairs in time to warn him? But warn him of what? She wasn’t even sure what the problem was – but something was setting the alarm bells ringing… THE ALARM BELLS!?!

Quickly Becky took out her palm pilot… The answer was there, clear before her. Although all the dials here stated the alarms were switched off – the Palm said different – the Palm said…

Upstairs in the Queen Victoria Rooms, Shy reached out and took the Diamond Pies and Pielets…

Suddenly, all around the building the alarms were ringing… Shutters were closing… It was too late – too late for Becky to do anything! Up on the screens she could see that the tea room was suddenly quite empty – china cups scattered – there were already feet hurrying down the stairs… There was no time to hide – only to run! Within seconds the Police would be arriving… She had to get out to be with Ceri and hope that somehow Shy would find his way too! Becky picked herself up and ran – back the way she’d come – hoping there was still a way out the way she’d come in… There were footsteps close behind her – but they were hurrying to the Security Office first – not yet after her – she was too quick for them. “Please let me get out of here…” she prayed to herself – as much as she was worried for herself she still felt guilty about leaving Shy. “Please don’t let there be shutters over the windows!”

As it happened there were shutters over most of the windows, but Ceri had already thought of that. He wasn’t known as fingers for nothing. Before leaving he’d unscrewed the hinges of the doors that they’d broken in through and left the remains of the door standing sideways – sticking into the Gallery room and halfout side. The shutters had come down and hit the wood – and were still trying to lift and drop – unsuccessfully. The door lying sideways provided Becky with an easy space to slip through – down underneath and out into the night.

“Search all the rooms…” Edward Alexander was screaming. “Travers – you take downstairs – I’ll do another sweep of upstairs… They can’t all have gotten out… The Pielets are gone…”

“There’s stuff missing down here…” Kim reported. “One of the shutters is damaged – someone’s escaped, but hopefully the Police will catch them! Oh – and the security room’s been totally trashed!”

Eddie swore – he’d hoped the Police wouldn’t get involved until he was already successfully wrapping things up… It was almost like the “good old days” – only not quite as crap and with less failure… But if the Police realised he’d known that something was going to happen and had deliberately not informed them then he could almost be an accessory to the fact. As usual things hadn’t quite gone to plan – but it wasn’t quite as bad as it looked – even though, for now it would appear some of the valuables had left the building. “Don’t worry about the security room… There are backup tapes and further cameras not linked to that room… They’ve not gotten away with this as easily as they think… Come on – at least one of them has still got to be in here somewhere – there’s no way they all got out – it’s less than three minutes since the pies were stolen and the alarm was triggered… One of them’s going to be hiding here really close…”

In many ways, Ed Alexander was right. Shy was very close. Eddie was standing right by the window in the Victorian apartment and Shy was just the other side of the glass. If it wasn’t for the shutter that had come slamming down, nearly trapping his fur then Shy would have been seen immediately. As it was he was standing on the edge of a window sill – hanging over a drop – trying to inch his way along the wall in an effort to reach the balcony that adjoined the tea rooms – with all the pies and pielets crammed into his mouth, his ears and a couple under his arm pits. He’d never had a chance to replace them with the forgeries and in fact they were all now muddled up and would take goodness knows how long to separate into false and genuine artifacts. But that was the least of his problems right now!

“Not much further…” Shy reminded himself. “Only a few more steps and you’ll be on the balcony…” Either that or he’d fall – probably ending up – and ending his furry life on a rather lethal and sharp looking range of bamboo stalks. Either that or be arrested by the Police… “Maybe I’ll fancy one of them and not mind being arrested…” he thought, hopefully. “…Or maybe my powers will pop back and I can talk my way out of things… Maybe if I manage not to choke on one of these pielets…”

Not so very far away at all. Becky had finally caught up with Ceri in the undergrowth surrounding the Pavilion. There were Police on their way, but they were making very strange noises – at least there cars were. “What on earth is that noise? What’s wrong with the Police cars – they sound drunk?”

She didn’t expect Ceri to have the answer – but actually he did. Infact he was grinning. “Good old Shy - that’s his work… I forgot all about it… When he was out on the town earlier apparently he turned up at the Police Station, donning one of his lunatic disguises – the one with the tassels or something and said he was doing Bob-a-job or charity sponsorship or SOMETHING and could he wash the Police cars… Believe it or not they said yes and he put sugar in their engines whilst he was at it!”

Becky shook her head. “I really underestimated that Yeti…” she admitted. “What the hell are we going to do now… We can’t go back in there – but I’m not at all sure we haven’t left some other trace of our visit… I destroyed the tapes – but it was just too easy… They must have had other cameras up!”

“Were you wearing your mask?” asked Ceri as they watched a couple of the Police cars bump into each other with a screech. Becky nodded. “So was I most of the time – all they’ll see is Shy and I don’t suppose they’ll quite know what to make of him… Sure, Brighton used to have a big Yeti population but you won’t find that written about much in the City history books… We’ve got to get him out though – let me think for a minute…”

But Becky was looking alarmed. “What’s that noise?” she said coldly – but it was as if she already knew. “It’s coming from your bag… Did you steal a clock?” she was pulling open the sacking. “I know that sound… Shit! Shit! Shit! All these things have been boobie trapped…” she was shaking the bags open across the grass. “Oh God Ceri… The bastard’s gone and put explosives over everything…”

Back at the Pavilion, over looking the gardens, Shy had made it to the balcony and was even about to try and climb down the wall by swinging athletically down a series of descending hanging baskets. But it was then he heard the voices of his friends. Fumbling around in his fur he drew out his trusty binoculars and focused on the far gardens. Not the side where the Police seemed to be having trouble getting their cars in – there was total chaos in that corner – but over the other side in the shadows. Flicking the infra-red switch Shy could clearly see Ceri and Becky – and they seemed to be panicking about something. He was about to try and communicate with them telepathically when…

THE WHOLE OF THAT PART OF THE GARDEN EXPLODED IN A FIREBALL…

“Guys…” croaked Shy inwardly – nearly choking on the pies. “Guys no…”
“Oh dear.” Said a voice behind him. “Things do appear to have gone with a bang…” It was Edward Alexander and he was standing alone on the balcony behind him. “Don’t speak…” he said. “I can see you have your mouth full… But not for much longer!” Shy still had some of the pielets in his mouth – there was a ticking noise in his head. “It’ll all be over soon Mr. Yeti… You’re about to get your head blown off… Sweet dreams!”

The ticking was getting louder, but Shy couldn’t even scream properly...

Find out what happens in the last episode of this exciting adventure and also the last episode to be posted before the new year...

It's all go down in Brighton next friday - 17th December 2005...

DON'T MISS IT!!!

THE TALE OF THE DIAMOND STUDDED PIE - PART 4

There was much to be done next day, before the recce, at which point Shy would conceal himself until after the Pavillion closed. Ceri set about coordinating key exit points, locating safes to be broken into and role playing emergency escape scenarios, whilst Becky tested, synchronized and packed all phones, watches and tools. Shy meanwhile, went shopping for cheap clothes in Primark and then made sand castles, having had a large pile of sand delivered to the stony beach opposite Regency Square.

“At least he’s out of the way…” sighed Becky. “He can’t cause too much additional trouble, surely…” They had all asked for their breakfasts to be delivered to their rooms, to avoid seeing Ed Alexander – and Shy had been strictly forbidden to speak to the man again. “Why exactly are we getting into this - despite the fact that we know this guy is from the Police…” Becky asked Ceri to remind her.

“Not the real Police…” grinned Ceri – the excitement had rather been going to his head, after he’d been researching on his laptop all morning. “This one is particularly stupid… He was sacked after our little performance in Birmingham a while back – seems he’s set up as a Private Eye but is spending a lot of his time on our tail – with another former colleague who was also recently sacked…”

“It said all that on the Net?” exclaimed Becky incredulously.

“Pretty much… And we’re on his home turf… Guess who he’s related to – only that old Town Mayor who conned Shy’s relatives back in the early 1900s… And no – I’m not having you on…”

Becky shook her head. “So despite all the supposed winding up of Alexander that Shy did yesterday, we’re still going ahead with all this – this is the insanest insane thing I’ve heard ever, darling…”

“But as I said… This Edward Alexander bloke isn’t exactly in the good books of the Police – it might be fun to play a few more games with him. To be honest I don’t like the fact that he’s been trying to cause us all problems – you know – sniffing around about at home on the look out for our treasures… Thank goodness we transferred all the rest of the stuff from the house to the caves before we left…”

“You don’t think he’d have arranged for somebody to break in, do you?”

“No but he’ll never find it now…” just then there came a knock at the door. “Hello? Who’s that?”

“Musclebound paint-stripper as ordered, Sir – in polka dot as you specified…”

Becky grimaced. “What’s he done now – stolen one of the Mardi Gras floats as a get-a-way car and backed it into the pier and sunk it… Let yourself in Shy, the door’s unlocked…”

“I heard that!” declared Shy a tad miffed. “I want you to know that the destruction of the West Pier was all Simon’s fault – not mine! He came to switch on the Christmas lights in ’76 or was it ’77 and everyone got drunk and – well, water conducts… Did you know they had a Dr Who exhibition here by the way? They never asked for any of Simon’s old costume’s… It’s all new stuff – I’m quite upset…”

“You get more and more like him every day!” said Ceri quite honestly, but Shy took it as a compliment. “Are you ok, mate? You look tired, do you wanna take a quick nap before we head out?”

“Hmm! Nah, I think I’ll be okay!” decided Shy. “Before you ask, I’ve not seen that failed excuse for an ex-cop anywhere! So maybe he’s gone and given up or something! It’s a bit disappointing really!”

“I really doubt it!” exclaimed Becky as she finished checking the wire cutting equipment in their tool packs. “But I agree with Ceri – take a lie down before you change into your gear – remember – just a light coat over all your black gear for later – so you don’t look too odd! Nothing which lights up or plays the National Anthem at full blast! Just plain black…” she continued, not making eye contact but being very sarcastic. “You need to be ready when we leave – whereas we’ll nip back here to change before returning after dark, when you’ll be letting us in!” Shy nodded to show he remembered.

Ceri tried to be helpful but only ended making matters worse. “Maybe if you fancy a bit of colour you could follow Bex’s trick of using a bit of colour to enhance your fur… Becky's hair is dark brown, but it's dyed to enhance that and the dye has a slight rich red aspect to it, which I thought might appeal?”

Shy gave them both a cool look. “So nothing sparkly then – nothing with any style or panache?”

“No…” chipped in Becky. “No glitter, tinsel or body paint – just a spec of fur dye if you must…”

“Fur dye?!” exclaimed Shy a trifle disgustedly. “With my complexion and hair density ratios? I don’t think so! And if you’re trying to suggest that I’m going grey? I’ll have you know that this dusty silver brown is my natural colour and I intend to keep it that way! I’ll be just fine as I am, thanks!”

Ceri was trying to smooth Shy’s temper. This wasn’t the right way for the team to be relating just before a big crime. “So you kept yourself to yourself this morning – no sign of Alexander and no sign of any other Police… You’ve not worn yourself out?”

“No, honestly!” Ceri’s concern had calmed him. “Might be coming down with a bit of a cold – but I’m ok! I may have overdone things a little the other night! Maybe I will take those 40 winks, afterall!”

“You’ll probably need to get the sand out of your fur!” Ceri suggested, and Shy nodded in agreement.

“Yes… Good point…” he too had noticed the sandy trail he was leaving. “All my little sandcastle got washed away - but I did a marvelous job – all sorts of shapes – turtles – dinosaurs! One was a lifesize, giant lemon meringe pie, I had to stop myself from eating that it – it looked so real!” Ceri laughed, Becky just shook her head sadly. “I’ll go get ready… Oh, I nearly forgot… I also did a couple of other chores when I was in town – including getting these made…” He placed a large felt bag on the table and indicated that they look. “See – I’m not just a furry face after all! I’ll want them back later, mind!”

The bedroom door slammed and Ceri and Becky looked at one another. For a moment they said nothing as Ceri reached out and took the bag. Carefully he threaded back the drawstring and looked inside. “These are good – fake but well made… Here – he’s right Bex – he’s not just a furry face…”

Becky took the bag. Inside was a one large diamond encrusted pie and a number of other small pielets. Replicas of course – but like he’d just said. They were decent ones. “Good old Shy…” grinned Bex with a whistle. “I knew he could do it if he tried harder… We may even make a thief of him yet!”

*
Meanwhile elsewhere, Ed Alexander was preparing for the night ahead. He was still keeping a room on at the Regency but had needed to pop home to get his outfit for later. “It’s tonight, Kim!” he boomed triumphantly down the phone, having followed Shy around town that morning dressed as a giant Bassett hound. “He never even noticed!” Ed chortled. “I made a discovery!” he added. “I’d mistaken him for a man in a bear suit, but in fact we’re dealing with the ancient enemy – he’s a Yeti! A formidable opponent! Anyway, he was up to something earlier, I saw him heading for a jewelers! Yeti don’t wear necklaces – I know my Yeti social codes of conduct! He was up to no good!”

“Oh okay…” replied Kim distractedly – busy as she greedily devoured a luke warm Pot Noodle. “I’ll get my hair done earlier if you need me to – do you want me looking glam or secretive?”

“A bit of both perhaps – just incase the journalists want to take our photos when we pull off the greatest crime bust in history…” Ed decided. “Make sure you get to Pavillions by six, alright?”

“Oh, all right then… I’ll see ya later – I hope this costume still fits! Will we be getting a take out?”

“Yes – Chinese probably!” he assured her. “Now hurry - and make sure you bring your deadliest gun!”

“Alright then Eddie… See you later!” Edward mumbled an agreement and then put down the receiver.

“The time is near…” he muttered to himself and felt vaguely aroused from having just used the word bust in a sentence and turned back to his desk which was decorated with Wonder Woman novelty wallpaper. Linda Carter’s smiling Wonder Woman face grinning down at him. “If only I could wear an outfit as well as you, Diana Prince – you are my inspiration – you, French and Saunders and Shakespears Sister…” There were pictures all around the room of all of them. “No no…” he continued – as if listening to some bizarre conversation going on with himself. “Please don’t make me choose… All I know is that with the eternal triangle of your lucky forces I shall vanquish these criminals once and for all – Diana, Dawn, Siobhan, Jennifer and Marcella you are my strength above all…”

Somewhere downstairs Mother was calling. “Don’t shout so loud Edward – you woke the budgies!”
He had been shouting, he now realised. “I’m sorry Mother…” he bellowed back, even louder. “But I happen to be solving a crime up here and I’m seeking strength from Diana Prince…”

“You were sacked Edward – don’t be so silly – I know what you do up there! I’ve seen your posters!”

Ed slammed his bedroom door, with his hand firmly placed over his ears. “You couldn’t be further from the truth, lady!” he said to himself. “You’re nothing more than a dirty birdy! At least I’m capable of decent detective powers – unlike you… Unlike you…” Ed stared and gaped in awe at the figure that stood before him in the mirror. “You look fantastic tonight, quite fantastic!” he told himself.

Edward cut a rather strange looking fellow in the reflection, to be honest. He was very tall and a very vain man, somewhere between 6ft 3 and 4 in his early 30s. His hair was dark brown and retained the page boy cut of his teenage years but he’d recently started to dye it because his side burns were rapidly going grey and he was in constant fear that his hair would thin. He’d had his moments of being quite popular in bars, but refused to be seen out wearing glasses. Contact lens were too much trouble and he only forgot to take them out. This tended to mean that he’d spent about twenty minutes chatting up pillars or elderly cleaners went he went out clubbing, having mistaken them for someone more his age and sexual preference. The irony was that for many years he had worked in both forensics and surveillance – a lot of that work he had also done sans specs – determined that he’d look his best and bluffing his way through his work. “My short sightedness was not a factor in my failure to apprehend the Library criminals…” he had maintained, although this was of course the principal reason that he had failed. “Well – I won’t fail again…” he muttered to himself. He had his costume at the ready and revenge was in his heart. “This is the last time any of you make a fool out of me!” he declared.

Maybe. Maybe… Afterall, stranger things have often occurred around events involving Yeti…

*
Shy Yeti bit into an apple and nearly choked – the recce had gone pretty well until now…

Arriving just before Four, they’d spent the last fifty minutes exploring the former Palace of George IV. Through the Kings Apartments to The Music Room and their adjoining quarters, down the Long Gallery and through the Saloon and Banqueting Hall into The Great Kitchen where they now stood. “The Kitchen was one of the first areas to be completed as part of John Nash’s reconstruction between 1815 and 1822…” Becky read as Ceri walked ahead taking in the sheer size of the room. “A high lantern ceiling, fitted with twelve sash windows gave the spacious interior a light and airy feel…” She smiled. “I wonder if John Nash would have approved of Changing Rooms?”

Ceri was distracted. Shy seemed totally oblivious and more interested in the fake food on the table, whilst Becky was getting caught up in the history of the building. All very well – but there was a job to be done. The Pies that Shy were after were kept in the Queen Victoria Apartments upstairs, whilst what he and Becky were after was on the ground floor. But all in all he was beginning to feel that they were going to have to rush things before the Pavillions closed at 5.15. “We’ve got to find Shy a hiding place, Becky, sure – it’s nice in here, but it’s possibly the least useful room for us to spend time in…”
Before Becky had a chance to reply there came an “OUCH!” and a bit of a coughing fit from Shy and the two of them spun around. Luckily they were they were pretty much on their own except for a couple of tourists who were examining a stuffed swan which was arranged along with the other fake food on the kitchen tables. “What’s the problem Yeti? You sound like you’re about to choke…”

“This is a real apple! Who put that here on display?” Shy fumed as he spat out the bits rather messily over a dummy dressed in period costume. “Who put a real apple in the bowl of plastic fruit…”

“But it’s not for eating!” exclaimed Becky. “Oh my God, he’s quite literally gobbled the whole bowl!”
“I didn’t eat the bowl…” Shy insisted and brought it out from under his fur. “I was just stealing that!
So what if it’s fake fruit… The wax banana’s were rather fine…” Shy sulked. “…and the plastic pears were perfection! But the real one – ikkk – someone’s having a laugh! Disgusting behaviour!!!” he was regarding the two tourists suspiciously. “They’ve got their eye on that stuffed swan – I was going to nick that for my tea whilst I’m in hiding… I THINK YOU’LL FIND THAT’S MINE!!” he said and raised his voice, causing the couple to skiddaddle and leaving them alone in the kitchen.

“NO! NO! NO!” Ceri had Shy by the scruff of the fur. “You’re going to stand out like a sore thumb if you start stealing things in front of the surveillance cameras…” he indicated the one on the wall. “Act naturally, Yeti… I know we’re going to destroy all today’s tapes so we’re don’t even appear on any footage – but still – if someone spots you eating plastic fruit…” he paused – his hand had come up against something odd. “What’s that I’m touching, Yeti… What are you hiding in your fur…”

“Plastic chickens from the table over there – I just wanna little snack, Ceri –don’t begrudge me that – I’m going to have to wait a good couple of hours before I disable the alarm…” Shy was feeling quite tired by now and was tempted to take a quick snooze once he got into hiding, though Becky had told him quite firmly that he mustn’t sleep or he’d give himself away with his snoring. “Okay… I won’t steal anything else… I’ll just memorize everything you told me about the alarms…”

“Please don’t forget Shy… It’s really important that you turn them off whilst the security guards are patrolling…” explained Becky for about the fifth time that day. “Look you two – shall we get on?”

Ceri nodded and with that they continued – back round through the Banquet Hall and galleries towards the staircase that allowed access to the upstairs apartments, where Queen Victoria last had rooms back in the mid 1840s. Having passed along the corridor which the guidebook described as the Adelaide Corridor, they entered the North Gallery and then crossed into the area signed up as the Yellow Bow Rooms. They’d not been up there many minutes when suddenly a voice came through on a hallway speaker which gave them news they hadn’t expected to come quite so soon. “PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE EXIT – THE PAVILLION WILL BE CLOSING IN FIVE MINUTES!”

Becky turned. “Where’s Shy?” All the other visitors were filing towards the stairs, but sure enough there was no obvious sign of him until Ceri spotted him on the bed, trying to get under the satin sheets.

“These sheets are all stitched together – you can’t get underneath them… Looks like I’m going to have to lie down here and pretend to be a rug after all…” Shy called over at them. “You two get out of here and I’ll see you later!” Shy was off of the bed and sure enough was now trying to arrange himself casually by the hearth before closing his eyes. “Go on guys hurry! Everything’s yaytastic here - I’ll be okay and I promise not to snore! I’ll get somewhere better as soon as everyone’s gone! Alright?”

“Shy…” Ceri tried to shake him awake again. “You’ve got to find yourself somewhere better now…” but Becky had given him a sharp dig in the ribs as the guide from the next door room came striding through looking official. “Oh… Err… I’m sure mother has a rug like that…” he adlibbed foolishly.

“Don’t touch the exhibits, Sir!” snapped the guide. “I’m afraid we’re closing now… Please leave!”

“Just going!” exclaimed Becky, giving one last look back at Shy – she was certain he gave her a wink – as they hurried towards the exit. “Just take care…” she thought very hard, just incase Shy was trying to read her mind. “Take care and don’t take any stupid chances…”

*
Almost two hours had passed, when Shy suddenly opened his eyes and sat up with a snort. He was in exactly the same place as he’d curled once the Pavilion had closed and sure enough he had done exactly what he’d said he never would. He’d been asleep. “Well, at least I didn’t snore…” he muttered guiltily. “Or at least if I did no-one heard…” he smirked for a second, imagining the guides crowding round him – alarmed that their prize rug was suddenly gurgling and drooling and dreaming of pies. However this didn’t seem to have happened at all. “I don’t recall dreaming of anything…” he muttered and stood up. His legs felt very weak and he tottered around and nearly collapsed on the bed. “Hmm!” he sighed. “Don’t feel well at all – too many wax chickens and now I’m bloated… Stupid Yeti…”

Still, he didn’t feel so bad that he couldn’t continue and collecting his equipment from under the bed he made his way across the room and down a short flight of steps into another exhibition area. As Ceri had assured him, most of the doors were left open, due to the sheer amount of time it would take everyday if every door in the Pavillion had to be closed and locked at the end of the working day…

“It’s the exhibitions themselves that are alarmed – the exhibitions and the windows to prevent break-ins… There are two security guards in the building and they patrol the rooms once an hour – one in a clockwise rotation – one anti clockwise. Another reason all the internal doors are left open…”

Sure enough Ceri was correct. Shy checked his watch and saw that the first shift was probably soon about to start. It was now he needed to make his way to the Security room and deactivate the alarms – also to make sure that any security videos were obtained. All that and then he’d be able to let Ceri and Becky into the building. “All’s well…” thought Shy telepathically. “Am progressing as planned…” Suddenly his head was filled with pain and he tottered on his paws at the top of the main staircase. “Crikey… What was that…” he gasped – before realising exactly what was going on. It was his powers – they were low, in fact they were almost non-existent – and the pain in his head was the pain of telepathic messages bouncing back undelivered. “Flip! I knew it! Damn! I knew something was wrong – why didn’t I say something? It’s all your own fault too – stupid Yeti showoff!”All that mucking about in Castleton had drained his powers and he’d been so busy since arriving in Brighton that there had been no time to replenish them. “Well, crack on and just get on with things – there’s nothing for it now – power or no power – you’re in this mess and you’ve got to get yourself out of it!”

“Who is that?” Shy realised right at that moment that he’d spoken the last few words aloud. Suddenly there was the flash of torch light up the staircase and a figure started up the stairs. “Who is it?”

Shy stepped back, but was surprised to see not just one guard but two. “If there’s only two guards on duty then they’ll patrol alone – but there’s a possibility they’ll be more guards tonight, if Ed Alexander plans to stick a few tricks up his sleeve…” Ceri had warned him. “They might even leave someone on guard in the Security office full time – so you must be extra careful and you might have to use some of that Yeti magic to put a few of them asleep so we can get in and out unseen…”

Of course that wasn’t going to be possible now. Shy backed off into the shadows of the North Gallery as another halo of torchlight almost found him – not just from the stairs but also from along the Adelaide Corridor. There were either a whole fleet of guards in tonight or Shy had rather unfortunately emerged exactly at the point where the two units crossed. He could already see the first pair on the stairs – one of them was Ed Alexander in a Security Guard uniform a few of sizes too small. “Don’t see me… Please don’t see me!” willed Shy, although he knew he had no strength left. “Don’t see me! DON’T SEE ME… PLEASE DON’T SEE ME…” The guards – led by Ed Alexander moved closer!

FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IN PART 5 - POSTED UP NEXT FRIDAY!!!